A New Day Many Days Later Dec 26, 2006

Dear Good Friends
It has been many months since I have written My life just slips away with illness and business

I have been part of a coaching group for the last 6 months which has been awesome I have met the most wonderful Inspiring Ladies and our Coach Heather is truly a Godsend
We are closing up our group I hope temporarily because heather has so many prior comments We are all so proud of her

These past months I have been in my psychotherapy and my hypnotherapy and dietician and pilates and Qigong and acupuncture and chiropractor Everything helps for short periods of time But I think overall except for the stress I am dong OK

I really have had so much help and such great support But I have not written and I thing it is about time
Also I am seeing an ED therapist My anorexia was getting pretty bad and my Primary doctor wanted to put me in a residential treatment and I fought it off believing I could do it with the help I alresdy have
I have had a lot of successful times and some disasters
One of the reasdons I am writing, my dietitcan Mary has asked me to write

My husband and I just returned from a vacation in Mexico It wasa great time very stressfree , lots of beautiful weather and sandy beaches and a beautiful pool and LOTS OF FOOD Thats what she wants me to write about

Out of 8 days We had 4 dinners in regular resturants and the rest of the time 3 meals a day in one of the buffet resturants We were in an all inclusive resort All the food and alocohol

The first 3 days I went while I was eating like there was no tomorrow I get like that at buffets I hate never ending food But the food was good and there were lots of really healthy choices lots of fruits and vegies and lots of fish and seafoods I se Shrimp and there is not enough in the world for me Well I stuffed and stuffed those days but I didnt let it really mess up my head too much I was also drinking I had to try allthe great drinks Most of them were way to sweet and I only had a few sips and moved on to the next one

I do admit I had a lot of exercise I was constatly working out In bed in the morning I did a whole pilates session We walked on the beach or hours and I was tight and sucking in We spent hours in the pool and I was either swimming or doing water exercise There was no rest except for sleeeping We were always around and about Although there was lovely lounging round the pool and having a drink and reading

My husband was on best behavior He was calm and elaxed and having a good time and very attentive and loveing and caring.
It was a great trip I did go into periods of being upset about all the eating but after a while it did calm down and Iwas eating pretty normal adn like I said I did make good choices even thogh sometimes a bit exxessive and I did indulge ina little desert and it was heaven we also celebreated our anniversary there and had a delicois chocolate cake.
I was very happy with the trip
Coming home was another story My husband went into stess mode and he became insensitive and his old self really quik yelling and cursing and trying to make me miserable While I was on vacation I felt really good Hardly any pain but completely constipated Coming home allmy pain retunrd and I need ed to spend about 3 days in bed recovering. I really felt awful. The docs said it was the stress ie husband Then I was back to my schedule with all my appointment and running around I was not feeling the greatest and he was a bitch and his temper and mood were terrible
Then came the holidays Chanukah and Xmas First I received no gifts from my husband for Anniverary Chanukah or Xmas and I was very very disapointed especially the way he was treating me
Then my daughter came home Friday and we have been having a great time even though she is sick with bronchitis and he has mellowed a little and I have some pain but I am going to the bathroom
We spendt a good deal of time with friends and that wss nice Yesterday was a total relaxing day expecialy I made mydaughter nap because she was really feeling poorly
But last nigth we opend gifts and it was nice But no gift from husband Then after all was done my daughter said he agreed to give me a Coach purse which really thrilled me I love Coach and kind of collect them I have really big on bags and shoews So I was hapy that he was giving me a nice gift becaudse I had given him gifts and my daughter ess very happy with her gifts
Anyway I ahve been eating with abandon Sometimes eating a little too much and othr times a little to prepare for a feast I have eaten trifle (outstanding) apple pie, chocolate and several othr goodies and alot of champagne
I am not lettting it botther me It is the holdiays but now it is over and I will get back to normal But I figure a few days of eating and enjoying the holidays is not going to kill me

Mary I am sorry but I am going to need to really cut back a litle and really catch up on exercise Since I have been home I have not ben to the gym and now it is time to start
I am going to be starting 2007 in a healthy frame of mind and be well and take care of myself and always give thanks to God everyday and always be in an attutude of gratitude
Haopy New year to all my blogging friends and thank you all
I love you all
In Health and Happiness

Much love
KAren
Dec 26, 2006

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Dear everyone I am now trying to get back to my blogging In akl the years I journaled this is by far the hardest Maybe because it is to be shared and not kept private
TOday is September 28, 2006
I have been through a lot since I last wrote I really believed I was doomed in my Ed there ws no jhope for me no mater how I tried the fear of food the lack of appetite the dread of eating whatt he dietician wnated me to eat was enourmous.
I believed I need to go for treament or I would just fall apart, I had this feeeling that with inoatient treatment the othr physical problems would dissolve and I would feel good aboutmyslef and then I would ber OK The things we make ourselves believe
When we went to the foirsr center which was ac=day center I was unciomfortable and miserable and knew it was not for me
TJis past Sunday we drove to Palos Verdes about an hour away frommy home to a residential treatment center called Oceanaire. It wssa lovely home overlooking the ocean with a swimming poola dn lots of recreational stuff There was treatment 24/7 theyweatched you like a hawk no privacy they even went to the bathrom with yu They did take you on trip to shopping and beach etc and thee was lots of fun involved. But they were so strickt I didnt know how I could survie there I believed that it was a good place for me and i HAD a chance to recovr but I was so scared about leaving my world behind my privacvy they were very strict on meals 3 meals a day and 3 snacks and they watch you eat and you had to eatr what they gave you and I am so paticular and eat so fw thinbgs it scaed me outof my mind but something was teling me I need to be there I couldnt go on likek this
I have been thinking aout it all week I want to come to the decision by myself My firends who mean all the world to me have offered theri opinions and feeling and their trust in me We have discused it in our cirlce They are all so supportive, H and A and J and T and all the rest We listend to Christine Kane at our circle She said so many things I needed to hear and to know that I can do the work iwth thre help and support and tools tht Ihave
My hypnotheraoist is agianst it my husband is against it I am trying to deal with my heart and not what I think should be the best way of treatment for me A and J helped me t=[with that
I am grateful that I have such a wonderful support system to help me and guide me but it is still down to me to make the final decisions
I have turned the paper workk over to my doc
I will pray on it and see what happens
RIght now Ineed to work on my appeals and Independent medical review so I can get the treatment I ned for my back and intestines and legs

I could not sleeplast nigth I opted not to take the sleeping pill It probably was not a good idea. Ihad a terrible night with a lot of pain, So I am feeling less than well today but I will go to my Dahn yoga class and I have my rolfing
I also start my piano lesssons today and I am quite excited
I have been u0p for almost 2 hours I felt this was the best thing I could do for myslef and maybe someone else who is out there listening

I love you all Please dont desert me I will try to keep writing
In love & Health
Karen

Journey- to- Wellness: September 2006

Journey- to- Wellness: September 2006

I decided to write more today Today being Septmeber 16,2006
I am stillnot feling a lot better but I am trying to get a lot of rest and be positiveI have my 2 big doc appointments on Tuesday and Wed which means I get to spend 2 whole days away from the norm and go to LA to UCLA on the othr hand I am missing other important appointments
plus the famiairairty of home
But I need to get this resolved I cant have this pain inmy gut and hav it clear down through my vagina and peliv floor right outo my rectum and expect to have any kind of normalcy My appetite is off and of course so are the BM
My insurance company findally came through and will send me to 2 Ed rehab centers
One is in Brentwod and is a day program which could be hard for me It is 6 days a week and a long day and I the driving would be diffficult The second oneis a residential program called Oceanair in Torrance about an hour away I wsnt too keen on residentioal but maybe I need to go where ever it is going totake me toget well I am rally falling aprt The Ed is really contributing to the BAck and Ibs and bladder and of cours my nerves
I would like some feed back
Also I am hearing fom Jessica agan I dont know what to say to her I am giving her my best suggestions I have brought her up tomy coaching group before I dont htink Ican help her Somethimg tellsme she doenst want help just sympathy
Please help me on this one
I am very tired I was a funeral this morning for a dear friend I wish he hadnt died I am trul worn out
I will keep my writng up
In love & Health
KAren
I meant what I said about spelling

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Well I have decided to start again The turbulence in my life is escalating so I thought I would give it a nothr try. I just am not very good at this
I was doing better in the week MY Qigong wass good, my adjustments were god my rolfing ws good I was eatng ok and my coaching session really liftd me up, Yesterday I thougth was a good dayI went to acupuncture and I felt so good He Dr Leee) is really very good and he teaches me a lot. I closer my eyes and hope that maybe one day it wil be my dear friend E.I went to the Wellness center and got some supplements and an education and then on to my Dietician I really like her Her name is MAry She is very conventional but I have come to realize thst I need to eat a simple healthy food plan to keep these errosions from occuring. We agred and I said I would try We had added fat into the plan I knew that would be my biggest obstcle I am just so afraind But thats why Iam there to learn not to ber afrid.
I went toget my hair done after Ihad a great ime withmy stylist nad we just laughed nad talked and my hair wss graet
When I cam home I went tothe batheroomand then it hit me An explosive pain in my intestines the pain traveld down throughmy vagina and pelvic wall and clear to my recturm I felt like something hyuge wanted to blow up inside me I have had this pain be fore It comes and goes Thee is m=ny reason or rhyme it just hits and ineed to wait for it to pass sometimes quicker than othr I couldnt eat at all I tried a little chicken soup but it didnt help
The a got a call from the MArriage and family counselor I had hoped to get an appointment with and she was bookd Now now I am back on that trail
They discoved something in my huysbands heart and he needs to goto a cardiologist so we are pretty stresssed about that and a dear friend passed away on Wed and e have a funeral tomorrow
Last night I had a workshp at yoga on Chakres I really wanted to go I thiught it would help It ws a good class but I was in so much pain and as we did the 7 chkre meditaton I just clutched my stomach and cried the painwas so great I thought about going to the ER
I came home and took my attivan and a rectal supposotory for pain relief and put a heating pad betwen my legs and stmoach and lied down Inabotua halof hour a felt a little beter I went to slepand id fall fast asleep
I awoke around 5 with the excruiating pain and just cried until I fel back to sleep and awaok around 8
I decidded not to go to clas but to keep my chiropracotr appot and alsonot go to the Er I am go9n gto call y urologsit and GI doc when I am finished but I felt I wanted to get this out
I am seeing the dics this week Somethig has to be domne
Please pray for me as I keep telling myself i am shole and well and and have God to heal me
I will close this now before I lose it
The hell withspell check
Lots of love
KAren

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

To all my good friends

Sept 8,2006

I tried to write my blog this morning. I had had a very turbulent night and was up before 6 in a lot of pain and just couldn't stay in bed anymore and just couldn't sleep but I sure didn't want to get up but I did
I am really stuck in a hard place and I thought that it was high time I sat down and wrote in my blog I poured my heart out to you all and really talked about what my life has been since Nashville and how down I have been.
It has been a long day and I have just returned from the doctor where they took a ton of blood and I am very exhausted. So this is all I an going to write But I want you to know especially Ladies of the circle that I tried and if I could do it this morning I will do it again
In love & Health
Karen

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness


JOURNEY TO NASHVILLE
Hi I thought it was time that I better write this blog. It was a great trip and I want to say that I am so grateful that the security hadn't reached that super alert stage yet. And There Iwas in Nashville surrounded by Israeli and Jewish dignitaries. We had plenty of security
I left Sat July 22. I flew out of LAX with about a dozen of my friends from our region The flight was OK I was walking around a lot visiting It was hard to sit for me
When we arrived we went straight away to the hotel THe Gaylord Opryland It was magnificent 5 STARS all the way. I will figure out a way to get my pictures on line
We checked in and rested and then had some dinner and then we were ready for the Grand Ole Opry. The Opry is world famous for country western music and southern type humor and entertainment and every Friday and Saturday night the show is broadcast on country western radio stations daughter thought I was going to the Opera and wanted to hear about it. I guess a lot of the younger generation isn't that familiar with hillbilly and country stuff
The show was great It was very long and we were tired but we hung it out The performers were great A lot of them really old like pushing 100. Then there were a lot of young ones Most of them I had never heard of but we got to see Jodie Dee Messina,
Jean shepherd, Hank Ketchum and the Riders of the Night and Vince Gill(he was fabulous) all the performers were great and there were probably 100 of them. Each one came out did song or two and then on to the next. The music was awesome you were either clapping your hands and feet or crying. It was a great experience and I am so glad I went
The next morning a friend and I went on a tour of the hermitage which was Andrew Jackson's Plantation It was really beautiful It was kept really well and the furnishings were incredible and the most beautiful gardens
Then it was time to come back and the start of the 92 NAtional HAdasah Convention. We had 90 delegates from So California so we were really proud
The first sessions always startsout out very jouous with music and dancing and it is very uplifting. We were all welcomed by National president June Walker who said that we must all step up to their advocacy for Israel during the current crisis in the middle east. The whole world is a narrow bridge she said isn't that the truth

Afterward all the Regional Presidents came to the stage one at a time with their signs proclaiming that Hadassah and their region stands with Israel in solidarity It was quite overwhelming
The rest of the afternoon we were entertained by the Israeli muscians as We Stepped to the rhythm of our Lives.




IN the evening Israeli Ambassador to the US Daniel Ayalon took the stage He proclaimed the delegates the real Zionists and thanking them for empowering Zionism as well as strong US-Israel relations. He said Israel will and the US must put up an iron fist against Hamas, Hezbollah and Iran will stay strong, defend our country and develop it. He encouraged Hadassah delegates to aid Israel as it tries to develop anmd grow new communities in the Negev and Galilee.
I know Hadassah will paeticipate in the challenge


We also heard from Professor ShlomoMor-Yosef, Director General of the Hadassah Medical Organization (HMO) who described how an always heroic medical team is going far beyond the call of duty. The HMO is the largest teaching and research hospital in the world with the most advanced technologies and procedures. It is the main project of Hadassah. HMO trains medical personal from all over the world, treats patients from allover the world (even the Arabs)
they turn no one away. In this time of war they have been sendingmedical units out into the battlefields and in times past they sent medical teams to Katrina and to diaster areas and third world countries all over the world.
It is part of the HAdassah Tikkun Olam Heal the world.
Many of the other MEdical personal wee there to describe new advances in their areas such as research in cancer and metabolic diseases.

Another highlight of the evening was the Holecaust Memorial in Whitwell Tenn,In 1998 undert he guidance of Linda Hooper , Princial of the WHitwell Middle school in the middle of Appalachia where there wasn't a Jew for hundreds of miles and no one in Whitwell even knew a Jew , they started a project on diversity. The students started to learn more about the Holocaust and wanted to do a tribute to the 6 million jJews who were killed in the death camps in World War II
having no idea what 6 million represented they wanted to collect 6 million something so that it would be tangible. They decided on paper clips. Paper clips were invented by a Norgwegian Jew and Norwegians wore them on their lapels to show their solidarity with their Jewish neighbors during WWII. They wrote to government people and clelbraties and people allover yhe country . They received over 20 million paper clips.
Today a WWII -era German rail car filled with 11 million paper clips(representing 6 million Jews and five million gypsies, homosexuals and other victims of the Holcaust ) prominently sits in the schoolyard of Whitwell Middle School. The power of one little schoolillustrates an unforgettable lesson on changing the worldone classroom at a time.. At any one time there are busloads of tourists to see this incredible Memorial.
They mad e a movie out of the story of Whitwell Middle school and their tremendous project
I believe the women of HAdassah link their hearts to our students to create a worldwhere acceptance, tolerance, and love are the rule and not the exception, said the principal.

I am going to stop here I am very tired right now I hope you enjoy and learn from this reading
In love & health
Karen

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

August 3,2006

I am finally writing. My therapist Dr Gallway said it was time to get back to writing I am almost embarrassed.
I thought our session on Tuesday was awesome I am very proud to be amongst such honest and open and caring women and I am glad that we can all be there for each other
I am going through a confusing time right now I opened up about my session with Rhonda I am still mulling it over in my mind I though I would have received her notes by now because a lot of my confusion arises from her and her observations which I didn't fully understand
I cam home from my trip expecting to have a session with Rhonda at 1:30 on July 27. A half hour before Barry called and said she was running late and it would be at least an hour after my scheduled time. I was disapointed but there was nothing I could do He phoned an houyr later saying they needed to postpone it to another day That pissed me off
WHen we finally agreed to a time which was more convenient for her than me I just wanst happyt
Angie you are so right about going into it negative I tried as hard as I could to be positive and open moinded but tpoday I can sit here and say What the hell was I thinking Spending nearly $400 to have a women speak to me over the phone with the intention of healing me and advising me without seeing me or knowing me When I made the appoinntment I was desparate I wouldl have done just about anything I could And I love Heather and I so respected everything she said (of course I still do) But that experience was clearly not for me.
I decided to just go with my feelings about everything AND FOOD THIS WEEK since I had no report from Rhonda and couldnt speak with Heather I was doing ok Now I should be doing ok I just had my rolfing session and it was great So much of my body is released and I have that lightness and flowing. I made a desicion to trun a matter over to God as it was out of my control. I have an appointment with my internist tomorrow to go over my health and treatmenst etcIt was unanamous by the GI doc and my surgeon that Western med cannot help my chronic back and leg pain and my IBS. My work woith my chiropreactor is going well it is going slow but there is definite improvement He was doing a report for me to turn into my Medical group so that I could try to get coverage becuase he is very expensive. Well they told me yesterday that the report was lost in his computer and he couldnt find it and was going out of town
My anxiety was through the roof I was out of control How could I get any financiall help with proof and the report.
After making myself crazy for quite some time I got donw on my knees and prayed to God for help and to turn the whole mater over to Him. I was totally helpless. Its in Gods hands now
I am highly emotional right now and need to take a break.
I want youy all to know that I am OK and I will be OK. God will take care of me and I will write more later
I love you all
In love & health
KAren

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

August 3,2006

I am finally writing. My therapist Dr Gallway said it was time to get back to writing I am almost embarrassed.
I thought our session on Tuesday was awesome I am very proud to be amongst such honest and open and caring women and I am glad that we can all be there for each other
I am going through a confusing time right now I opened up about my session with Rhonda I am still mulling it over in my mind I though I would have received her notes by now because a lot of my confusion arises from her and her observations which I didn't fully understand
I cam home from my trip expecting to have a session with Rhonda at 1:30 on July 27. A half hour before Barry called and said she was running late and it would be at least an hour after my scheduled time. I was disapointed but there was nothing I could do He phoned an houyr later saying they needed to postpone it to another day That pissed me off
WHen we finally agreed to a time which was more convenient for her than me I just wanst happyt
Angie you are so right about going into it negative I tried as hard as I could to be positive and open moinded but tpoday I can sit here and say What the hell was I thinking Spending nearly $400 to have a women speak to me over the phone with the intention of healing me and advising me without seeing me or knowing me When I made the appoinntment I was desparate I wouldl have done just about anything I could And I love Heather and I so respected everything she said (of course I still do) But that experience was clearly not for me.
I decided to just go with my feelings about everything AND FOOD THIS WEEK since I had no report from Rhonda and couldnt speak with Heather I was doing ok Now I should be doing ok I just had my rolfing session and it was great So much of my body is released and I have that lightness and flowing. I made a desicion to trun a matter over to God as it was out of my control. I have an appointment with my internist tomorrow to go over my health and treatmenst etcIt was unanamous by the GI doc and my surgeon that Western med cannot help my chronic back and leg pain and my IBS. My work woith my chiropreactor is going well it is going slow but there is definite improvement He was doing a report for me to turn into my Medical group so that I could try to get coverage becuase he is very expensive. Well they told me yesterday that the report was lost in his computer and he couldnt find it and was going out of town
My anxiety was through the roof I was out of control How could I get any financiall help with proof and the report.
After making myself crazy for quite some time I got donw on my knees and prayed to God for help and to turn the whole mater over to Him. I was totally helpless. Its in Gods hands now
I am highly emotional right now and need to take a break.
I want youy all to know that I am OK and I will be OK. God will take care of me and I will write more later
I love you all
In love & health
KAren

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

August 3,2006

I am finally writing. My therapist Dr Gallway said it was time to get back to writing I am almost embarrassed.
I thought our session on Tuesday was awesome I am very proud to be amongst such honest and open and caring women and I am glad that we can all be there for each other
I am going through a confusing time right now I opened up about my session with Rhonda I am still mulling it over in my mind I though I would have received her notes by now because a lot of my confusion arises from her and her observations which I didn't fully understand
I cam home from my trip expecting to have a session with Rhonda at 1:30 on July 27. A half hour before Barry called and said she was running late and it would be at least an hour after my scheduled time. I was disapointed but there was nothing I could do He phoned an houyr later saying they needed to postpone it to another day That pissed me off
WHen we finally agreed to a time which was more convenient for her than me I just wanst happyt
Angie you are so right about going into it negative I tried as hard as I could to be positive and open moinded but tpoday I can sit here and say What the hell was I thinking Spending nearly $400 to have a women speak to me over the phone with the intention of healing me and advising me without seeing me or knowing me When I made the appoinntment I was desparate I wouldl have done just about anything I could And I love Heather and I so respected everything she said (of course I still do) But that experience was clearly not for me.
I decided to just go with my feelings about everything AND FOOD THIS WEEK since I had no report from Rhonda and couldnt speak with Heather I was doing ok Now I should be doing ok I just had my rolfing session and it was great So much of my body is released and I have that lightness and flowing. I made a desicion to trun a matter over to God as it was out of my control. I have an appointment with my internist tomorrow to go over my health and treatmenst etcIt was unanamous by the GI doc and my surgeon that Western med cannot help my chronic back and leg pain and my IBS. My work woith my chiropreactor is going well it is going slow but there is definite improvement He was doing a report for me to turn into my Medical group so that I could try to get coverage becuase he is very expensive. Well they told me yesterday that the report was lost in his computer and he couldnt find it and was going out of town
My anxiety was through the roof I was out of control How could I get any financiall help with proof and the report.
After making myself crazy for quite some time I got donw on my knees and prayed to God for help and to turn the whole mater over to Him. I was totally helpless. Its in Gods hands now
I am highly emotional right now and need to take a break.
I want youy all to know that I am OK and I will be OK. God will take care of me and I will write more later
I love you all
In love & health
KAren