Journey- to- Wellness
Journey- to- Wellness
Day 2
5/17/06
I really did start my life in an uncomfortable zone. I don't remember being very happy. My father was an abusive pig who tormented all of us. My poor mother whom I really did love was a victim in her own life and unavailable to her children. He was mentally, physically and sexually abusive and I experienced and witnessed events that just destroyed my world. I had a sister who I hated and a baby brother who I adored. He was 10years younger so he became the principle player in this house of cards that was doomed to collapse at any moment but took 36 years of my life.
I came to believe in later years that it was my poor abused mother who ended up molesting my brother while she left my sister and me to his terror.
My sister 2 years younger, to this day we don't get along. But my brother, who Istill think of as a sweet child died at the age of 42 of a brain hemorrhage.
But I am getting ahead. Yes I grew up in a crazy house. Lived and breathed for the moment I could leave.
The pain and the fear I experienced everyday of being fat and ugly and not good enough and not smart enough and to hear the words "I cant believe you are my own daughter"were too much to bear.
Looking back of course I was pretty and smart and thin (maybe) and had lots of friends but I still lived in the house with the white elephant in the living room.
On the outside we were supposed to be the perfect family, the perfect parents, doing for their children. The charade of trying to fool the outside world.
My aunts tell me now what they knew and what they know, but where were they back then when children were suffering. When their sister was being raped and beaten. They were protecting the grandparents as all good Jewish families do. Keep the family together. Keep all the secrets. That's what's important.
So at the age of 17 in the autumn of 1967 I boarded a jet airliner at JFK to fly off to University of Cincinnati, off to my freedom, off to a whole new world, like a new planet. I could reinvent myself and be perfect and meet all new people and LEARN. I was begging to learn--all about the world, all about what I could accomplish and say good by to Livingston NJ for as long as I could.
I will rest now. It has been a long day
In love & Health
Karen
Day 2
5/17/06
I really did start my life in an uncomfortable zone. I don't remember being very happy. My father was an abusive pig who tormented all of us. My poor mother whom I really did love was a victim in her own life and unavailable to her children. He was mentally, physically and sexually abusive and I experienced and witnessed events that just destroyed my world. I had a sister who I hated and a baby brother who I adored. He was 10years younger so he became the principle player in this house of cards that was doomed to collapse at any moment but took 36 years of my life.
I came to believe in later years that it was my poor abused mother who ended up molesting my brother while she left my sister and me to his terror.
My sister 2 years younger, to this day we don't get along. But my brother, who Istill think of as a sweet child died at the age of 42 of a brain hemorrhage.
But I am getting ahead. Yes I grew up in a crazy house. Lived and breathed for the moment I could leave.
The pain and the fear I experienced everyday of being fat and ugly and not good enough and not smart enough and to hear the words "I cant believe you are my own daughter"were too much to bear.
Looking back of course I was pretty and smart and thin (maybe) and had lots of friends but I still lived in the house with the white elephant in the living room.
On the outside we were supposed to be the perfect family, the perfect parents, doing for their children. The charade of trying to fool the outside world.
My aunts tell me now what they knew and what they know, but where were they back then when children were suffering. When their sister was being raped and beaten. They were protecting the grandparents as all good Jewish families do. Keep the family together. Keep all the secrets. That's what's important.
So at the age of 17 in the autumn of 1967 I boarded a jet airliner at JFK to fly off to University of Cincinnati, off to my freedom, off to a whole new world, like a new planet. I could reinvent myself and be perfect and meet all new people and LEARN. I was begging to learn--all about the world, all about what I could accomplish and say good by to Livingston NJ for as long as I could.
I will rest now. It has been a long day
In love & Health
Karen
posted by karen at 4:51 PM
1 Comments:
Karen, What a miracle that a beautiful soul like you survived a difficult childhood. What would you say to yourself, the child you were, right now? How would you comfort her?
It's so hard to know why people do what they do. Somehow, they get stuck and take things out on everyone else. I think we are out here communicating with each other to remind one another that we don't have to remain stuck.
We can free ourselves. You are someone who is committed to freeing herself and I admire you for that! Already, you are changing the vibration of the world when you leave an abusive home and commit to creating something more positive in your life! That takes strength and courage!
Thank you for showing us that!
With love,
Heather
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