Journey- to- Wellness
Journey- to- Wellness
Dear everyone I am now trying to get back to my blogging In akl the years I journaled this is by far the hardest Maybe because it is to be shared and not kept private
TOday is September 28, 2006
I have been through a lot since I last wrote I really believed I was doomed in my Ed there ws no jhope for me no mater how I tried the fear of food the lack of appetite the dread of eating whatt he dietician wnated me to eat was enourmous.
I believed I need to go for treament or I would just fall apart, I had this feeeling that with inoatient treatment the othr physical problems would dissolve and I would feel good aboutmyslef and then I would ber OK The things we make ourselves believe
When we went to the foirsr center which was ac=day center I was unciomfortable and miserable and knew it was not for me
TJis past Sunday we drove to Palos Verdes about an hour away frommy home to a residential treatment center called Oceanaire. It wssa lovely home overlooking the ocean with a swimming poola dn lots of recreational stuff There was treatment 24/7 theyweatched you like a hawk no privacy they even went to the bathrom with yu They did take you on trip to shopping and beach etc and thee was lots of fun involved. But they were so strickt I didnt know how I could survie there I believed that it was a good place for me and i HAD a chance to recovr but I was so scared about leaving my world behind my privacvy they were very strict on meals 3 meals a day and 3 snacks and they watch you eat and you had to eatr what they gave you and I am so paticular and eat so fw thinbgs it scaed me outof my mind but something was teling me I need to be there I couldnt go on likek this
I have been thinking aout it all week I want to come to the decision by myself My firends who mean all the world to me have offered theri opinions and feeling and their trust in me We have discused it in our cirlce They are all so supportive, H and A and J and T and all the rest We listend to Christine Kane at our circle She said so many things I needed to hear and to know that I can do the work iwth thre help and support and tools tht Ihave
My hypnotheraoist is agianst it my husband is against it I am trying to deal with my heart and not what I think should be the best way of treatment for me A and J helped me t=[with that
I am grateful that I have such a wonderful support system to help me and guide me but it is still down to me to make the final decisions
I have turned the paper workk over to my doc
I will pray on it and see what happens
RIght now Ineed to work on my appeals and Independent medical review so I can get the treatment I ned for my back and intestines and legs
I could not sleeplast nigth I opted not to take the sleeping pill It probably was not a good idea. Ihad a terrible night with a lot of pain, So I am feeling less than well today but I will go to my Dahn yoga class and I have my rolfing
I also start my piano lesssons today and I am quite excited
I have been u0p for almost 2 hours I felt this was the best thing I could do for myslef and maybe someone else who is out there listening
I love you all Please dont desert me I will try to keep writing
In love & Health
Karen
Dear everyone I am now trying to get back to my blogging In akl the years I journaled this is by far the hardest Maybe because it is to be shared and not kept private
TOday is September 28, 2006
I have been through a lot since I last wrote I really believed I was doomed in my Ed there ws no jhope for me no mater how I tried the fear of food the lack of appetite the dread of eating whatt he dietician wnated me to eat was enourmous.
I believed I need to go for treament or I would just fall apart, I had this feeeling that with inoatient treatment the othr physical problems would dissolve and I would feel good aboutmyslef and then I would ber OK The things we make ourselves believe
When we went to the foirsr center which was ac=day center I was unciomfortable and miserable and knew it was not for me
TJis past Sunday we drove to Palos Verdes about an hour away frommy home to a residential treatment center called Oceanaire. It wssa lovely home overlooking the ocean with a swimming poola dn lots of recreational stuff There was treatment 24/7 theyweatched you like a hawk no privacy they even went to the bathrom with yu They did take you on trip to shopping and beach etc and thee was lots of fun involved. But they were so strickt I didnt know how I could survie there I believed that it was a good place for me and i HAD a chance to recovr but I was so scared about leaving my world behind my privacvy they were very strict on meals 3 meals a day and 3 snacks and they watch you eat and you had to eatr what they gave you and I am so paticular and eat so fw thinbgs it scaed me outof my mind but something was teling me I need to be there I couldnt go on likek this
I have been thinking aout it all week I want to come to the decision by myself My firends who mean all the world to me have offered theri opinions and feeling and their trust in me We have discused it in our cirlce They are all so supportive, H and A and J and T and all the rest We listend to Christine Kane at our circle She said so many things I needed to hear and to know that I can do the work iwth thre help and support and tools tht Ihave
My hypnotheraoist is agianst it my husband is against it I am trying to deal with my heart and not what I think should be the best way of treatment for me A and J helped me t=[with that
I am grateful that I have such a wonderful support system to help me and guide me but it is still down to me to make the final decisions
I have turned the paper workk over to my doc
I will pray on it and see what happens
RIght now Ineed to work on my appeals and Independent medical review so I can get the treatment I ned for my back and intestines and legs
I could not sleeplast nigth I opted not to take the sleeping pill It probably was not a good idea. Ihad a terrible night with a lot of pain, So I am feeling less than well today but I will go to my Dahn yoga class and I have my rolfing
I also start my piano lesssons today and I am quite excited
I have been u0p for almost 2 hours I felt this was the best thing I could do for myslef and maybe someone else who is out there listening
I love you all Please dont desert me I will try to keep writing
In love & Health
Karen
posted by karen at 8:27 AM
3 Comments:
Hi Sarah
Thank you and thanks for sending the file I have already downloaded it and will look at it this weekend
Much Love
KAren
Desert you? Are you kidding? That will never happen!! We are here for as long as you are my dear friend.
Take care.
Love,
Frida
Hi Karen, I love that you are trusting your own heart to make your decision. Sometimes, it's in doing something that we fear, where we grow the most. If you fear both going and not going -- find out what your heart says about the whys. Which one shuts down your spirit and which one frees it?
We're all here to support you, no matter what steps you take on your path. It's your path - you get to decide how to walk it.
With love,
Heather
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