Journey- to- Wellness
Journey- to- Wellness Day 5
I know I left off with marty dragging me back home. I was kikcing and fighting the whole time I didnt want to go back to that hell whole
I ned to correct a mistake
marty was my father. and Goldie was my mother. My mother on her own really was a beautiful person She just made a really big mistake that she couldnt ever get out of. All those years growing up she was so sad and her tears crushed me. I knew she was unhappy but I couldnt understand why she didnt save me.
We spent a lot of time at my grandparents home. We were a big family. Lots of aunts and uncles and cousins and my bubbie and pop. I loved them so much. But so much violence and anger went on there as well.
marty hated going there. In his words they were a bunch of "kikes". He was a German Jew with no Jewish upbringing so when we went there and we prayed and sang around the dining room table it meant nothing tohim. We spent every holiday there and he would go and sit in a chair and read the newspaper Never talking to family and constantly criticizing them behind theoir back and my mother stood for it. But when he would get violent at Bubbies house it was something else. He would aregue with my mother and demean us kids while everyone around was just stuck There was nothing they could do. My grandparents just watched as their daughter and grandchildren were abused.
I wanted to go inot that because I dont want anyone to think that he was someone good in my life who saved me as I had heard on some posts
He was just protecting his ass,his big fatbinging ass.
He took me home and locked me away. In the next several years being in and out of school and in and out of hospitals and and the private ones where you are under lock and key.
I knew that I was going to be free and if I wasnt going to be free I was going to be dead
It was around this time that I met Betsy-- Elizabeth Keats formerly Katz. FAther couldnt handle Jewish name. I think I met her in a store I dont even remember. But we bonded instantly I think we were both outcasts. We both came from comfortable homes hers was legitimate mine was criminal (more about that later)
Her father wasa doctor and he gave her everything. She had a sharp brand new sports car that we took NYC by storm. She always scored the best drugs and we just partied. I think they like d it a lot when I wasnt home,so I couldnt influence my younger sister and brother. WHen I came home I was either in the bathroom or my room or my famous middle of the night jogs.
If I had been stupid or had no ambition I could have lived in that party life a lot longer than I did. But I wanted to go to school. It was going to take awhile That year turned out deadly for me. I almost did die and not on purpose I got very sick from our adventures. Ulcerative Colitis which led me to themodern IBS which sometimes I think is deadly.
HAving colitis, an esting disorder, a drug problemand major emotional problems I was a very sick girl.
I was 19 and I have been working hard all these years to get well
I am on the right tracknow.
In Love & Health,
KAren
PS I wont be writing for a few more days I have my big Cancer 24 hour walk coming up and I need to devote my time to working and raising lots of money for American Cancer Society
I know I left off with marty dragging me back home. I was kikcing and fighting the whole time I didnt want to go back to that hell whole
I ned to correct a mistake
marty was my father. and Goldie was my mother. My mother on her own really was a beautiful person She just made a really big mistake that she couldnt ever get out of. All those years growing up she was so sad and her tears crushed me. I knew she was unhappy but I couldnt understand why she didnt save me.
We spent a lot of time at my grandparents home. We were a big family. Lots of aunts and uncles and cousins and my bubbie and pop. I loved them so much. But so much violence and anger went on there as well.
marty hated going there. In his words they were a bunch of "kikes". He was a German Jew with no Jewish upbringing so when we went there and we prayed and sang around the dining room table it meant nothing tohim. We spent every holiday there and he would go and sit in a chair and read the newspaper Never talking to family and constantly criticizing them behind theoir back and my mother stood for it. But when he would get violent at Bubbies house it was something else. He would aregue with my mother and demean us kids while everyone around was just stuck There was nothing they could do. My grandparents just watched as their daughter and grandchildren were abused.
I wanted to go inot that because I dont want anyone to think that he was someone good in my life who saved me as I had heard on some posts
He was just protecting his ass,his big fatbinging ass.
He took me home and locked me away. In the next several years being in and out of school and in and out of hospitals and and the private ones where you are under lock and key.
I knew that I was going to be free and if I wasnt going to be free I was going to be dead
It was around this time that I met Betsy-- Elizabeth Keats formerly Katz. FAther couldnt handle Jewish name. I think I met her in a store I dont even remember. But we bonded instantly I think we were both outcasts. We both came from comfortable homes hers was legitimate mine was criminal (more about that later)
Her father wasa doctor and he gave her everything. She had a sharp brand new sports car that we took NYC by storm. She always scored the best drugs and we just partied. I think they like d it a lot when I wasnt home,so I couldnt influence my younger sister and brother. WHen I came home I was either in the bathroom or my room or my famous middle of the night jogs.
If I had been stupid or had no ambition I could have lived in that party life a lot longer than I did. But I wanted to go to school. It was going to take awhile That year turned out deadly for me. I almost did die and not on purpose I got very sick from our adventures. Ulcerative Colitis which led me to themodern IBS which sometimes I think is deadly.
HAving colitis, an esting disorder, a drug problemand major emotional problems I was a very sick girl.
I was 19 and I have been working hard all these years to get well
I am on the right tracknow.
In Love & Health,
KAren
PS I wont be writing for a few more days I have my big Cancer 24 hour walk coming up and I need to devote my time to working and raising lots of money for American Cancer Society
posted by karen at 3:12 PM
3 Comments:
Hi Karen, holy smokes, I just read your entries...You are such a strong and amazing person to have survived all you did, and still have the courage to write about it.
I have so much respect for you, you are truly a survivor. Reading your entries makes me appreciate more than ever the luck I've had. Luck in being born into such a warm, loving family, and now, with my husband, having a gorgeous child. I am truly blessed.
When life gets tough, and I stuggle, I will think of you, and all the obstacles you've had to hurdle.
Keep writing, I will visit often, and look forward to reading what you write.
Love,
Frida
Hi Karen, My heart goes out to you as I read your words. And again, to know you makes me feel hope. I wish you all the best for your Cancer walk -- you've been working hard to get to this and I will be thiking of you!
With love,
Heather
THank you Frida and Heather It means so much to me to read the words you say
I was a strong person and I am getting stronger and stronger every day.
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