Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Dear everyone I am now trying to get back to my blogging In akl the years I journaled this is by far the hardest Maybe because it is to be shared and not kept private
TOday is September 28, 2006
I have been through a lot since I last wrote I really believed I was doomed in my Ed there ws no jhope for me no mater how I tried the fear of food the lack of appetite the dread of eating whatt he dietician wnated me to eat was enourmous.
I believed I need to go for treament or I would just fall apart, I had this feeeling that with inoatient treatment the othr physical problems would dissolve and I would feel good aboutmyslef and then I would ber OK The things we make ourselves believe
When we went to the foirsr center which was ac=day center I was unciomfortable and miserable and knew it was not for me
TJis past Sunday we drove to Palos Verdes about an hour away frommy home to a residential treatment center called Oceanaire. It wssa lovely home overlooking the ocean with a swimming poola dn lots of recreational stuff There was treatment 24/7 theyweatched you like a hawk no privacy they even went to the bathrom with yu They did take you on trip to shopping and beach etc and thee was lots of fun involved. But they were so strickt I didnt know how I could survie there I believed that it was a good place for me and i HAD a chance to recovr but I was so scared about leaving my world behind my privacvy they were very strict on meals 3 meals a day and 3 snacks and they watch you eat and you had to eatr what they gave you and I am so paticular and eat so fw thinbgs it scaed me outof my mind but something was teling me I need to be there I couldnt go on likek this
I have been thinking aout it all week I want to come to the decision by myself My firends who mean all the world to me have offered theri opinions and feeling and their trust in me We have discused it in our cirlce They are all so supportive, H and A and J and T and all the rest We listend to Christine Kane at our circle She said so many things I needed to hear and to know that I can do the work iwth thre help and support and tools tht Ihave
My hypnotheraoist is agianst it my husband is against it I am trying to deal with my heart and not what I think should be the best way of treatment for me A and J helped me t=[with that
I am grateful that I have such a wonderful support system to help me and guide me but it is still down to me to make the final decisions
I have turned the paper workk over to my doc
I will pray on it and see what happens
RIght now Ineed to work on my appeals and Independent medical review so I can get the treatment I ned for my back and intestines and legs

I could not sleeplast nigth I opted not to take the sleeping pill It probably was not a good idea. Ihad a terrible night with a lot of pain, So I am feeling less than well today but I will go to my Dahn yoga class and I have my rolfing
I also start my piano lesssons today and I am quite excited
I have been u0p for almost 2 hours I felt this was the best thing I could do for myslef and maybe someone else who is out there listening

I love you all Please dont desert me I will try to keep writing
In love & Health
Karen

Journey- to- Wellness: September 2006

Journey- to- Wellness: September 2006

I decided to write more today Today being Septmeber 16,2006
I am stillnot feling a lot better but I am trying to get a lot of rest and be positiveI have my 2 big doc appointments on Tuesday and Wed which means I get to spend 2 whole days away from the norm and go to LA to UCLA on the othr hand I am missing other important appointments
plus the famiairairty of home
But I need to get this resolved I cant have this pain inmy gut and hav it clear down through my vagina and peliv floor right outo my rectum and expect to have any kind of normalcy My appetite is off and of course so are the BM
My insurance company findally came through and will send me to 2 Ed rehab centers
One is in Brentwod and is a day program which could be hard for me It is 6 days a week and a long day and I the driving would be diffficult The second oneis a residential program called Oceanair in Torrance about an hour away I wsnt too keen on residentioal but maybe I need to go where ever it is going totake me toget well I am rally falling aprt The Ed is really contributing to the BAck and Ibs and bladder and of cours my nerves
I would like some feed back
Also I am hearing fom Jessica agan I dont know what to say to her I am giving her my best suggestions I have brought her up tomy coaching group before I dont htink Ican help her Somethimg tellsme she doenst want help just sympathy
Please help me on this one
I am very tired I was a funeral this morning for a dear friend I wish he hadnt died I am trul worn out
I will keep my writng up
In love & Health
KAren
I meant what I said about spelling

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

Well I have decided to start again The turbulence in my life is escalating so I thought I would give it a nothr try. I just am not very good at this
I was doing better in the week MY Qigong wass good, my adjustments were god my rolfing ws good I was eatng ok and my coaching session really liftd me up, Yesterday I thougth was a good dayI went to acupuncture and I felt so good He Dr Leee) is really very good and he teaches me a lot. I closer my eyes and hope that maybe one day it wil be my dear friend E.I went to the Wellness center and got some supplements and an education and then on to my Dietician I really like her Her name is MAry She is very conventional but I have come to realize thst I need to eat a simple healthy food plan to keep these errosions from occuring. We agred and I said I would try We had added fat into the plan I knew that would be my biggest obstcle I am just so afraind But thats why Iam there to learn not to ber afrid.
I went toget my hair done after Ihad a great ime withmy stylist nad we just laughed nad talked and my hair wss graet
When I cam home I went tothe batheroomand then it hit me An explosive pain in my intestines the pain traveld down throughmy vagina and pelvic wall and clear to my recturm I felt like something hyuge wanted to blow up inside me I have had this pain be fore It comes and goes Thee is m=ny reason or rhyme it just hits and ineed to wait for it to pass sometimes quicker than othr I couldnt eat at all I tried a little chicken soup but it didnt help
The a got a call from the MArriage and family counselor I had hoped to get an appointment with and she was bookd Now now I am back on that trail
They discoved something in my huysbands heart and he needs to goto a cardiologist so we are pretty stresssed about that and a dear friend passed away on Wed and e have a funeral tomorrow
Last night I had a workshp at yoga on Chakres I really wanted to go I thiught it would help It ws a good class but I was in so much pain and as we did the 7 chkre meditaton I just clutched my stomach and cried the painwas so great I thought about going to the ER
I came home and took my attivan and a rectal supposotory for pain relief and put a heating pad betwen my legs and stmoach and lied down Inabotua halof hour a felt a little beter I went to slepand id fall fast asleep
I awoke around 5 with the excruiating pain and just cried until I fel back to sleep and awaok around 8
I decidded not to go to clas but to keep my chiropracotr appot and alsonot go to the Er I am go9n gto call y urologsit and GI doc when I am finished but I felt I wanted to get this out
I am seeing the dics this week Somethig has to be domne
Please pray for me as I keep telling myself i am shole and well and and have God to heal me
I will close this now before I lose it
The hell withspell check
Lots of love
KAren

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness

To all my good friends

Sept 8,2006

I tried to write my blog this morning. I had had a very turbulent night and was up before 6 in a lot of pain and just couldn't stay in bed anymore and just couldn't sleep but I sure didn't want to get up but I did
I am really stuck in a hard place and I thought that it was high time I sat down and wrote in my blog I poured my heart out to you all and really talked about what my life has been since Nashville and how down I have been.
It has been a long day and I have just returned from the doctor where they took a ton of blood and I am very exhausted. So this is all I an going to write But I want you to know especially Ladies of the circle that I tried and if I could do it this morning I will do it again
In love & Health
Karen

Journey- to- Wellness

Journey- to- Wellness